‘If the Lord does not build the house, the work of the builders is useless…Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing’ Psalm 127:1;3
Introduction
Parenting is not an easy business. The Lord has given parents a very special vocation. They are the bearers of life, and during our formative years, they shape every aspect of who we will become. That is why the fifth commandment of God instructs us to honor our fathers and mothers, with a promise of blessing to those who do so (Exodus 20:12). We are certainly blessed when we honor our parents. Our parents lives too will be enhanced and blessed when they receive the assurance that they are loved and appreciated by their children. Parents, when it comes to raising of kids and forming and shaping the minds of children, do not try to go it alone. With the help of God and obedience to His values, you can create an environment where your children can flourish and grow into everything God intends for each one of them to be. The almighty Creator who knit your children in the womb (Psalm 139:13) and has numbered the hairs on their heads (Matthew 10:30)’ holds the blueprint for their lives. So no matter what our struggle may be, parents can hold on to the promises of God that, ‘they can do all things through Him who strengthens them’ (Phil.4:13).
The fundamental Questions:
Here are some specific vital questions we can use to evaluate our own spiritual health and vitality:
v Do we trust God totally with our lives?
v Do we trust God totally with our homes and families?
v Do we trust God totally with our marriage?
v Do we trust God totally with our children?
v Do we trust God totally with our work?
v Do we trust God totally with our finances and future?
v Do we trust God to equip us for this great parental responsibility?
v Do our children learn what it means to love God with all their hearts, soul, mind and strength when they look at us?
v Do they see us turning to God when anxious, troubled or ill?
v Do they see us trusting God for guidance and wisdom as we plan the future, run our business and manage our homes?
v Do they know that prayer is an important part of our life?
v Do they see us leaving out our commitment to Christ by spending time reading and studying the Bible?
v Do we trust God to help us discipline our children? While discipline without love usually leads to rebellion, discipline with love is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to our children. Parents must take a stand, and set some boundaries. Tell their children what behavior are and are not acceptable; why you would not allow them to drink, smoke, or use drugs; Establish standards and spell out the punishment for breaking the rules.
Power to build and tear down
Parenthood is a great honor and privilege. In giving us children, God places us in position of both leadership and service. We have the power to build up our children and our spouses – or to tear them down. Through our words of affirmation, prayers, and parental hugs, kisses, we show how much we value them. Demonstrating godly love strengthens the people who are most precious to us. We really need to help our children to grow into people of honor and character (Proverb 3:12). No matter what we are facing at the moment, God can transform our family pessimistic attitudes and change our negative dispositions. For if our eyes are on the Lord, we will never lack reasons to rejoice and be thankful for our lives, wives, husbands, children and relatives. You must have experienced times of abandonment just when you needed that person the most; it could have been a spouse withdrawing emotionally, a close brother who ignored us, or a close husband or wife who seemed too busy to help. Do not be discouraged even in these situations. Remember that the Lord is always with you. He is the supreme example of grace, generosity and love for parents to emulate. Seeking His guidance and direction is absolutely important for us parents. Running ahead and manipulating circumstances can be a costly mistake.
Building a legacy of Faith that will endure
In his article ‘Will Your Children Inherit Your Faith?, Dr. Charles Stanley notes that the most valuable assets we have as believers and Christian parent is our faith. Children observe our faith by the lifestyle we live. However, observation has shown that family anxiety is reaching epidemic proportions in our culture. Yet as Christians, we are commanded not to worry (Luke 12:22). We can pass on doubt, frustration, fear and unbelief – or we can give them steadfast faith.
A parent who preaches the Bible but does not live by it teaches her children they cannot trust God. Our children need to see us trusting God day after day; family prayer is essential to building solid faith into our children’s lives. If you don’t pray as a family please start today. Parents need to participate in their children’s life by taking part in their hurts and failures, and tell them our own stories of pain and disappointment.
A recent survey of college students revealed that the thing they dislike most about their parents is their inability to admit when they are wrong. If we want our children to say ‘sorry’ and ask for forgiveness, we must be willing to do the same. Our children deserve a faith legacy that will endure. We must start building it today! Remember that each step of faith, each acts of hope, each word of prayer we say as parents bring our children closer to God. So we have to learn to live each day with an expectation of God’s plan unfolding before our eyes in this pilgrimage through life.
Advice to Christian Parents
ü Christian parents must understand that they are not immune to facing family difficulties and problems.
ü So they have to realize the need to make the Lord Jesus Christ to be at the centre of every husband and wife relationship.
ü They must stress the importance of knowing Jesus Christ personally
ü Love your children and create time for them. Ignorance can be parent’s worst enemy. Certain signs warrant your immediate attention to talk to your children and to take action before addiction begins. Some of these signs are: Truancy, vandalism, promiscuous sexual behavior, hostility and rebellion toward those in authority (parents, teachers, Church, etc.), staying out all night, increase in mysterious phone calls at odd times, verbal abusiveness, stealing and shoplifting, involvement in fights at school, lack of communication with family, unexplained increase in spending and a host of others
ü pray for their children and ask God for wisdom to guide them to handle each of their problems
ü Though your children may disappoint you by not living up to your standards of conduct, love them unconditionally and be there for them any way
ü Admit your mistakes to them and learn from them. Model godly values and behavior.
ü Children need home to be a refuge from the pressures they face in school and society, so provide a solid foundation with Christ in your home, and the Lord will supply the answers and strength you need to get through the difficulties and problems you are facing in your family.
Conclusion
The family, though small is the first and most important social unit in every society. It is the basic unit within which human life is brought forth and nurtured. It is indeed very significant to the development, progress and stability of the society. The Code of Canon law succinctly states that: “Parents have the most grave obligation and primary right to do all in their power to ensure their children’s physical, social, cultural, moral and religious upbringing.”[1] Finally, since our children are God’s masterpiece created in Christ for the great work He has planned for them, parent should actively help them build a God-centered self-image. From the moment of birth, parents need to teach them that their personal value and worth is rooted in who they are in God’s eyes, and not in what they do or what they wear. Our parental goal should be to teach our children the way God want them to live, and model godliness in our own lives. Whatever you do, do not let this day end without communicating how much you cherish your wife, husband, children, brothers and sisters. Tell everyone you are very grateful for all they have done to make you a child of God. Our children deserve a faith legacy that will endure. We must start building it today!
Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director Media Service Centre writes from Kaduna, Nigeria 2011
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