‘For I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor power, nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39)
Introduction
Death is an inevitable reality and ever remain a mystery to mortal man. Sooner or later we all shall certainly die, but in reality no one knows the hour, day and time the Lord will call. It could happen today, in the next second or minute. Just recently we witnessed the unexpected senseless and scandalous killing of thousand of our innocent citizens including our beloved Youth Corp Serving members in some part of the Northern States following the announcement of the Presidential elections results. Whether anticipated, prepared and planned for, or unexpected and sudden, the death of a loved one is usually devastating. One thing is certain about our life in this world as the hours and days go by, and as the months and years passes by – one day it will come to an end, and each of us must face the fact and reality of our own mortality. This is not easy you know and it is only human to be afraid. Are you afraid of dying? The very thought and challenge of death has a way of confronting our faith by revealing our fears, our doubts, our attachments to this world, and our ultimate powerlessness. No matter what our situation is, all of us will face the cold reality of death one day. It makes no difference where we live, how wealthy we are, or how much influence we have. Everyone of us is destined to die and must deal with this question of death at one point or another. The question is what would you do if you know that you are going to die today? Every event of death should speak to us and challenge our complacency.
My Stories
To lose a dear one unexpectedly is always a shock and to watch someone die is always a shaking and painful experience. Those caring for the dying at home, nursing home or hospital may also experience anxiety, stress, tension and even anger to face and carry this overwhelming burden. My junior brother Daniel, died thirteen years ago at the age of twenty-nine of kidney problems. Both kidneys were gone and by the time he was diagnosed surgery and replacement were ruled out. Given his critical medical condition he was forced to confront the thoughts of death courageously. There was no lie about it. Daniel was dying and none of us denied it. As his sickness advanced, he became frail and weaker. Looking at his blank eyes and his restlessly pale body on his sick bed in the hospital, it was clear that the end has come, and I had to pray and speak to him words of promise and hope of being with the Lord, Jesus Christ that gave him courage and grace to close his eyes in peace. He in turn spoke to me and his wife, Ruth words of repentance and blessing. He finally gave up after painful series of dialysis in Aminu Kano Teaching hospital Kano.
Again, I remember my experience of pain and anguish of having to helplessly watch Bishop Joseph Sunday Ajomo of Lokoja Diocese Nigeria die slowly of cancer at the hospital in Rome. Truly I was confronted apparently with the question of the purpose of human existence. I came face to face with the reality of my own nothingness and emptiness as an ordinary mortal. I was completely paralyzed as I thought of the emotional anxiety and mental agony the bishop must have undergone. I was broken within me and cried in my heart uncontrollably for days. When I pictured and imagined myself in his situation, the thought of it gave me an incredible shock and I felt shattered and abandoned. However, the thought of all those around him who offered him love, care courage, prayer and hope also gave me some consolation. Then I realized quite soon that I had to surrender everything and simply trust my pains and desires for healing to Christ. Then I also understood that death is much more than a physical or medical event. It is also a spiritual event that is just as important as the day we were born. The prayers and comfort of others, and the inner strength provided by the grace of God helped bishop Ajomo on his sick bed to prepare happily for his death. While smiling and assuring people that he was fine, he faced his death with such admirable calm and dignity. He died praying and finally gave up the ghost. Bishop Ajomo is simply unforgettable! His words to my friend Fr. Dominic Adeiza,, his priest then studying in Rome continued to re-echoed in my heart again and again, ‘My son, do not hold tightly to yourself anything in this world. Hold fast to God and be totally committed to Him.’
The Christian understanding of death
In the Christian circle, death does not have the final word. Blessed Pope John Paul II said, ‘The whole of the Christian life is like a great pilgrimage to the house of the Father (Tertio Milllennio Adveniente 49). The Bible tells us that God’s purpose for His people is to glorify Him (Isaiah 43:7). Holy Scripture tells us, and tells us quite clearly, that by the death of Jesus Christ on a Cross, death itself has been conquered, its bitter sting has been removed, and in a day yet to be, it will be destroyed. Through his death and resurrection, Jesus showed us the path back to God. Now the challenge that death presents to us is the question of whether we will trust in Jesus Christ and His promise of resurrection. Death is the ultimate enemy of every human being. It defeats us all. Jesus was the only one who conquered it, and in doing so open for us the wonderful new life beyond the grave. For sure our bodies will die, but death is not the end and that we will rise body and soul on the last day. Therefore, for us Christians being alive in Christ is suppose to be a full time experience. We can approach the challenge of death by staying close to Jesus. He is always with us especially as we face our final days. He promises to be with us until the end of time (Matthew 28:20).
Facing the stages of dying
A loved one facing death is likely to experience a wide array of emotions – anger, depression, disappointment, the fear of the unknown and depression. Psychologists reveal that it is normal for a dying person to go through these periods. We need to understand the stages to better support and care for them. However foreseen, nothing can totally prepare those closest to the dying for the feeling they also experience as careers, as identified by Dr. Kubler-Ross in her book on death and dying. These turbulent stages ranges from shock, numbness, disbelief, denial and isolation, anger at God, doctors and nurses, deep grief, feelings of guilt for what was not done for the deceased, bargaining, depression, acceptance and relief that the person is finally out of pain. These feelings may repeat themselves many times over the succeeding weeks, months and even years before we can declare ourselves truly healed.
Helping people to cope with grief
In fact, the death of someone we love point up vividly both how fragile and how precious is the gift of life; a precious gift to be used to the glory of God. In ministering to the needs of the bereaved our roles include:
· Our presence. The assuring presence of friends and family is absolutely soothing
· To support, comfort and console, and link both grief, hope and reconciliation
· Visit and pray with the family in their greatest pain and asking Jesus to give them peace and comfort. A little prayer or reading from Psalms or the Holy Bible can easily bring a sense of peace
· It is okay to weep and pray together with the flow of God’s grace – a faith-filled prayers can prove to be far more precious and helpful
· Speak words of promise, hope and blessing and the joy of being with the Lord. Offer emotional support and help the bereaved work through the grieving process.
· Perform simple deeds of love and show compassion in little ways (A touch of a hand, a stroking of hair or just silent sitting together. Don’t be wrapped up in idle, boring and empty talks
· Encourage and thank other caregivers for all the good works they are doing, and give family the opportunity to frankly share their pains and struggles.
Conclusion
We conclude by saying that the fear of death is not only understandable , but human and natural. All who partake in burying the dead are fulfilling their spiritual duty and will receive outpouring of special grace and blessings. No matter how familiar we become with death, it remains a difficult unsettling question and we must live good and victorious Christian life to prepare for our own final journey. Our approach to death should flow out of our Christian faith and commitment in Jesus Christ.
Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director, Media Service Centre writes from Kaduna, Nigeria, 2011
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