STEWARDS OF GOD’S GIFTS AND BLESSINGS

‘My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 4:19)

Introduction

Let this most valuable thought engage our attention daily: God is enough not only in the realm of creation and providence, but also in the realm of grace. He is  the Author and Creator of life. He loves us intently and has blessed us with superabundance of natural and material resources. Each of us must be in debt to Him for the air we  breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat and the world we live in. Every moment of our lives is totally dependent on His benevolence and providence. God loves us so dearly that He has furnished us with an abundant supply of natural endowments to enjoy, bless others and glorify Him. Just take a moment and look at the marvels of the universe – the sweeping landscape, the majestic mountains, the loveliness of hills and valleys, the beauty of trees and flowers, and the beautiful oceans. All these soothes,  pacifies, comfort and consoles the troubled sorrows of life.

A deep desire to be loved and cared for                             

In fact, there is in every human heart a deep desire to be loved and cared for; to be cherished and protected; and to be valued and treasured; to be accepted and appreciated. How reassuring it is to know that we are loved with  a love that will never be taken away. Apparently, we are made, built and designed to be loved by the Divine Lover. God loves us and will keep loving us no matter what. His love surpasses the highest of human love. Indeed, we are a people full of promise, but have become a disappointment because of our misuse of God’s gift and blessings. It seems that the more we prosper physically and materially the more we decline spiritually.

George Carlin, a comedian of the 70’s and 80’s beautifully captures the confusion of our age and the paradox of our times when he states: ‘The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways ,but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things’. Oh what a pity!

Stewards of God’s resources

As Christians, we are stewards of God’s resources and we have a choice in sowing seeds and maximizing His gifts or hoarding and locking it away out of fear. St. Paul affirms: ‘My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 4:19). God is who He says He is and we have no reason to fear but have faith. He is the God of creation and universe. When we truly understand His power and presence, we cannot help but trust him to meet and supply all our needs. He promises to meet all our needs as believers, we are called to walk by faith in Him, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). So, let us step out in faith, put aside fear and worry, and start living in confidence, trusting in God’s promise to provide. For it is said that it is by living that we discover our talents, and it is by using them that we grow and become fulfilled. Because we have been blessed by God, we would be questioned on how we have used His gifts and talents. Have we misused, buried, allowed our talents go to waste, or have we use them wisely, creatively and productively for the common good and to the glory of God? We have seen in the world today where brilliant sportsmen turn to drinking and waste away, young and wonderful students turn to gangsterism and hooliganism and are trapped forever, dynamic unemployed graduates turn to kidnapping and armed robbery, talented and  excellent singers turn to drugs, bright and vibrant politicians disappears into the corrupt system and perhaps their talents are unfortunately lost forever. Let us not give in to carelessness, laziness and recklessness and so fail to make use of our talents and blessings.

Temptations of the growing pressure and the reality of our times

We notice that under the global socio-economic crisis and the growing pressure to make ends meet in the modern world, we are becoming individualistic, selfish, and irrational in our thinking, mentality, orientation, attitude and lifestyle; we are tempted to completely lock God the giver out in our roles as stewards of His gifts and blessings in the world. Hypocrisy, dishonesty, falsehood, deceit and fraud are the rage of our day, the great plague of our world. All around us are swindlers and fraudsters masquerading in different forms. The prevailing atmosphere is unfortunately that of deceptiveness, fraudulent impressiveness and the apparent false pretensions and counterfeit appearances. In fact, the story is the same everywhere. Corruption and dishonesty, oppression and exploitation of the poor has continued to be part of everyday life in many countries. Daily, we hear stories of managers, government officials, religious leaders and top politicians who embezzle and squander the money entrusted to them and are subsequently dismissed. We hear of accounts of falsified documents, examination mal-practice, misuse of funds, bribery and corruption, money laundering, forgery and counterfeiting, corrupt governments brought about by dishonorable politicians and office holders. These unholy ambitions and activities which account for many of our problems in the world leaves us completely disillusioned tormented and unfulfilled. It seems the world has abandoned all principles of morality, integrity and honesty.

Our shallow and limited vision

Apparently, we see that the world’s current problems are fundamentally a spiritual crisis, created by our limited vision as human beings. Mere human political and economic discourse and solutions, without the help and guidance of God would never be sufficient in themselves to alleviate sufferings, indignities and human brutalities in the world. In our world assailed by doubts and weighed down by uncertainties, let us turn towards God with hope and live by His gospel values and principles. Yet, the hard fact is that, in the midst of this world that is often cruel, grasping, skeptical, hostile, deceptive and materialistic, Christians are called to give courageous public and private witness to Christ’s love, truth and justice. We are challenged to work for the common good by using our God given gifts and talents not to oppress and exploit people but to bless, empower  and uplift them.

Conclusion

In conclusion, all these should cause us to pause and ponder the meaning and purpose of life and examine ourselves in the way we use or misuse God’s gifts and blessings. Although God has given us a promise to provide all things in abundance, the question still remains on how we can reconcile the Lord’s promise with our unmet needs and unanswered requests – when difficulty, pains and suffering continues; when oppression and exploitation continues; when hearts are broken; dreams shattered; hope lost with lingering unemployment and prolong ill-health cases; and with needs so painfully unmet that we may experience immense disappointment that can lead us to doubt God’s promises. Even then, we must remember that God the giver of all things is faithful and His love never fails. So, are you facing a crisis in your life at this moment? A financial collapse, a broken relationship, a marriage difficulty, divorced, separated, lost a spouse through death, a business challenge, a career problem, a life threatening illness and set of circumstances that threaten to engulf you? Don’t give up because His grace is enough and can become so active in your life to help you come through every challenge you face victoriously. I am deeply convinced that there is no limit to what God will do for you as His servant because you are unique and special to Him. So, be God’s responsible steward and gratefully thank Him for His numerous blessings in life.

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director, Media Service Centre, Kaduna Nigeria, 2011

THE DILEMMAS OF MODERN SOCIETY

‘No one, regardless of how shrewd or well-advised he is, can stand against the Lord.’ (Proverbs 21:30).

Yes, we have woken up to the possibility and reality that change is certain because life is dynamic. Tremendous changes (negative and positive) are taking place as the society is evolving. Today we are seeing immense pressures on our treasured African traditional values and beliefs. In fact, everywhere these revolutionary social reforms and heightening pressures are generating discontent, a scrambling of values, social disarray and are placing governments of the world under conflicting pressures of rival claim for attention. Such conditions for sociologists point the way to priorities that are likely to govern life and progress now and in years to come. Speaking about the dilemmas of the modern man, the onetime French President, Gisard d’Estaing publicly stated: ‘The world is unhappy. It is unhappy because it doesn’t know where it is going and because it senses that if it knew, it would discover that it is heading for disaster… The crisis the world knows today will be a long one. It is not a passing difficulty. It is actually the recognition of permanent change’.[1] Yes, change is sure. `However, orderly, positive, constructive and innovative changes can take place if certain godly principles are applied and not compromised.

We dear to assert even in this turbulent, confused and restless age that God is the almighty Creator and knows the very best for humankind. The sooner we accept Him as the final authority and begin to structure our lives, business, family and country after His laws and principles, the better off we will be. Manipulating the truth or being clever or shrewd in the eyes of the world will eventually destroy us. Indeed life is a precious gift. It is a process of growth. If we want the good life, we must continue to strive to grow in the knowledge of God and His Laws, and the principles He designed for humanity. Though we are daily getting sophisticated in our world and considering ourselves shrewd , smart and wise, we cannot function properly without godly principles.

John E. Schrock, a businessman in His article on The Self government Principle of Motive notes that ‘to reject God and His ideas is like cutting off the hand that feeds us, for God and truth are synonymous’. Though we write thousands of laws to interpret the Ten Commandments (Moral Codes for proper functioning). God’s Law still remain same. That is why our constitution and system of laws are structured around God’s commandments. It creates a moral society. The fundamental question then is, how well are we as a people currently applying the godly principles in our life and nation? Just because we have been given the ability to reason and choose does not license us to break the moral standard for which we were created. Let us not digress and loss our morality as a nation. Speaking on the idea of sex morality Sigmund Freud, the renowned psychologist stated: ‘Present day civilization gives us plainly to understand that sexual relations are permitted only on the basis of a final, indissoluble bond between man and woman; that sexuality, as a source of enjoyment -  for its own sake is unacceptable to it; and that its intention is to tolerate it – only as the hitherto irreplaceable means of multiplying the human race’.[2]

Furthermore, Schrock states that ‘Man was created after his kind to live by two codes – a conscience (a sense of right and wrong) and Commandments. Our conscience is not a true guide, unless it is governed by the Commandments. God made man and beast as male and female for reproductive purposes. It is only the human that practices homosexuality. Only human beings become addicted to drugs, and alcohol and plan abortions. It may be legal or politically correct, but these things are still morally wrong. We must remember that we are responsible before God and mankind to follow a moral code of ethics based upon truth from God and creation. We will do ourselves favor by living and structuring ourselves and societies upon God’s principles.

The challenge before us amidst this sweeping changes is to keep in harmony with the fundamental laws of our being, whenever we depart from the principle of our being, our whole nature becomes discordant. Our conscience will confront us as our accusers. Our decision to be discordant and rebellious will mark the beginning of our disaster and defeat as a people and a nation.

The sexual revolution, now impregnate in the fabric of Western Societies are on course to becoming a global culture. Having overcome most bastions of political resistance, it continues to spread its effects without meeting any cultural resistance… In less than a century, the ideas of revolutionary minorities have deeply transformed the mentalities and mores of the majority in the West. The new culture not only accepts, permits and tolerates, but also ‘celebrate’ the sexual experimentation of young people, the succession and multiplicity of partners, the diversity of ‘sexual orientations’, and cohabitation outside marriage.[3] Today the continent of Africa is facing a serious moral revolution with a consequent threatening disaster so immanent if not managed and properly controlled. The crazy agitation of same sex marriage, Homosexual proselytizing in schools and other social institutions and homosexual parenting which before now were viewed as aberrations that shock our mentalities, are now publicly becoming citizens right issues challenging the moral competence of our political leaders.

The latest case in point is the recent protest by a group of Nigerians to the National Assembly asking that their fundamental human rights be respected by legalizing same sex marriage. The boldness and sagacity exhibited by these agitators who appeared to make their submission during the Senate hearing on the bill shocked the mentalities of many Nigerians. During the public hearing, the Senate Committee Chairman on Judiciary and Human Rights and Legal Matters, Senator Umaru Dahiru, explained that the reason for the public hearing was to aggregate public opinions that would inform the Senate’s decision on the bill. Since then notable Christian and Islamic and opinion leaders have reacted to this paradoxical development, saying that the same sex marriage is strange, sinful and unacceptable.

George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - writing so eloquently on the paradox of our time in history so appropriately states: These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... We really seem to be some stumbling idiots who have shamelessly taken the path of madness and self-destruction, deliberately making many mistakes and producing many errors in our  major choices and decisions. Let us stop running down ourselves and work with godly values even in the midst of misery, uncertainty, anxiety and perpetual restlessness in the modern world.

In his opinion, the President of Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor said: ‘Same sex marriage cannot be legalized in Nigeria. It is against the Bible which more than half of the population of Nigeria believes in… if same sex marriage runs against the Bible, the Qu’ran, our Culture and Constitution, why should the National Assembly waste its precious time to give it a public hearing in the first place. The National Assembly should not waste its time listening to such evil agitation, rather it should channel it energy in fighting the terrible monster called corruption. However, we do not hate homosexuals or lesbians as individuals, but we hate what they practice, because it is unnatural and against God. So we should continue to pray for them and not hate them.’[4]

The Chief Imam, Amuwo Odofin Muslim Community, Khalifah Sheik Solu Yusuf Mayaki said: ‘Same sex marriage is not allowed in Islam. During the time of Prophet lot, he condemned it and warn those who practiced homo-sexualism and lesbianism, because it is against the injunction of Allah . Qur’an Chapter 27 verses 54-55 condemn it. But they failed to heed the warning and Allah visited them with strange fire that destroyed all of them. Also, when Prophet Mohammed came, he warned his followers not to indulge in such acts. Members of the National Assembly and indeed all Nigerians should vehemently oppose same sex marriage; otherwise what happened to the people during the time of Lot could as well befall Nigeria – total destruction. … it is painful that our Christian and Muslim leaders would see acts contrary to the teachings of both the Bible and Qur’an and still pay lip service to them, instead of speaking out’.[5]

The Catholic Church has always proclaim through her Social Teachings that human life is sacred and that the dignity of the human person is the foundation of a moral vision for society. So, how we organize our society - in economics and politics, in law and policy, directly affects human dignity and the capacity of individuals to grow in community. It stressed that Marriage and the family are the central social institutions that must be rightly supported and strengthened, not undermined. We believe people have a right and a duty to participate in society, seeking together the common good and well-being of all, especially the poor and vulnerable. The Catholic tradition upholds that every person has a fundamental right to life and a right to those things required for human decency. Corresponding to these rights are duties and responsibilities to one another, to our families, and to the larger society. [6] Whenever we talk about sexuality, the Church always insists on the natural and loving way. The Church see sexuality not so much as the product of biology, but the product of an act of love.

As I conclude this reflection on the dilemmas of the modern society, I do so, very much aware of the deep pains, shame, guilt, stigma and discrimination many suffer in the society because of their free choice of their ‘sexual orientations’. I affirm that God’s children were never intended to become slaves to anyone or anything, yet we find that millions today are addicted to some form of slavery – slaves to recklessness, promiscuous tendencies, irresponsible freedom, false standards, wrong sense of values, slaves to fear, frustration and worry. All these harmful influences stifles our growth and destroys our will to live victorious Christian life.

We should remember that God has conferred on us the very duty of protecting and safeguarding life with the greatest care; the very duty of accepting and respecting the gift of our sexuality in its deeper nature as intelligent free beings. Let us listen to the voice of conscience and humanity will have a better future. For disharmony, wherever it is found is disastrous and causes fire of negativism to burn brightly; but harmony is peace, unity, consonance, and consistency wherever it is found.

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director, Media Service Centre, Kaduna Nigeria, 2011

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[1] Michael R. Tucker, The Church: Change or Decay? Tyndale House Publishers, United State of America, 1978, pp. 16-17

[2] Robert Maynard Hutchins ed; The Major Works of Sigmund Freud in Great Books of the Western World, William Benton Publisher, 1952

[3] Marguerite A. Peeters, The Globalization of the Western Cultural Revolution, Institute for Intercultural Dialogue Dynamics, 2007

[4] Sunday Sun Newspaper November 6, 2011, p.10

[5] Sunday Sun Newspaper November 6, 2011, p.10

[6] Text is drawn from Sharing Catholic Social Teaching: Challenges and Directions (Washington, DC: USCCB, 1998)

GOD HOLDS THE NATIONS IN HIS HAND

‘God is wise and powerful! Praise Him forever and ever. He controls the times and the seasons; He makes and unmakes Kings; it is He who gives wisdom and understanding’ (Daniel 2:20-21)

Introduction

God is the almighty Creator and holds the nations of the world in His hand. He is supreme and sovereign over every nation and ruler on earth.

God makes and unmakes kings

Though in the human eyes, the future of a nation appears to be in the hands of its rulers and lawmakers, an omnipotent hand is orchestrating a good and glorious plan: the Lord is the one who ‘removes kings and establishes kings’ (Daniel 2:21). Ultimately every governmental leader is put into office, not merely by voters, political campaigns, or personal abilities, but by the hand of God. He is working all things according to His divine plan. At times as religious people we tend to think that a ruler have to be righteous for God to use him, but Proverbs 21:1 tells us that the Lord can direct the heart of any national leader wherever He wishes. In fact, He described two pagan kings – Nebuchadnezzar and Cyrus – as ‘My servant’ (Jeremiah 25:9) and ‘My shepherd’ (Isaiah 44:28).

Pray for kings and all who are in authority

God’s plan for this world are moving along according to His Divine purposes, and no unrighteous ruler can thwart Him. In fact, God guided their paths to fulfill His purposes for Israel. Therefore, our responsibility as believers and citizens is to pray for our nations and leaders. Scriptures tells us to pray for kings and all who are in authority: ‘first of all, I urge that petitions, prayers, requests, and thanksgiving be offered to God for all peoples; for kings and all others in authority, that they may live a quiet and peaceful life with reverence towards God and with proper conduct. (1 Timothy 2:1-2). After carefully observing the godless and reckless condition of our nations, we readily realize the need for change and believe that prayers will help us make a difference in achieving God’s purposes for our nations.

God waits for us to ask for His intervention in faith

 The InTouch Magazine observes that our problem is not the Lord’s promise or power, but with our lack of faith. We so much focus on the enormity of the problems or the power of those in office, and we lose sight of our sovereign God who waits for us to ask for His intervention. Political, socio-economic policies and legislation are not ultimately determined in conference rooms and government chambers, but in prayers closets. The voices that shape the direction of a nation are not necessarily those that ring out in legislative halls, but those that approach the throne room of God with bold faith (Hebrews 4:16). Every authority on earth can be touched by the power of prayer if we are willing to ask and believe God. Why then have we waited so long to pray; and keep wondering and asking why God has waited so long in changing the country. A country that ignores or rejects God and His Word will suffer the consequences of that choice.

Consequences of ignoring godly principles

When a nation begins to ignores godly principles, truth becomes relative as false philosophies and ‘liberated thinking’ take root. Leaders tend to consider themselves advanced and intellectual, but in reality, if they are separated from God, their thinking is foolish and their understanding darkened (Ephesians 4:17-18). A society always behaves according to its belief system. A nation will continue its downward spiral into depravity when sin becomes acceptable in the eyes of the people; when sensuality and self-gratification dominates the national desire leading to greed, immorality and violence; and injustice reaches its peak when laws permit the killing of the most helpless, vulnerable, defenseless and innocent of all its citizens, especially the unborn children.

Our experience as a nation

As a nation, we are experiencing a man-made scourging poverty compounded by violence, injustice, insecurity, corruption and greed. We are experiencing political leadership that seek to foster divisions based on ethnic and religious differences. We are experiencing socio-economic and political circumstances that feels tough and unbearable;  our questions and prayers appear to go unanswered, our faith is faltering and God seems distant. Yes, even when we do not see immediate change and response to our prayers, we must still believe and trust God’s faithfulness.

God is faithful

God is one hundred percent reliable and trustworthy, and His faithfulness does not depend upon our circumstances, our feelings, or even our own faithfulness. We should trust Him more while looking for a political leadership that is committed to healing divisions, bridging differences and creating truly harmonious society. Despite our national hardships, challenges and injustice, we must remain positive and determined to create a better future for our fatherland. The hopes, aspirations and destiny of our people lie in our hands as leaders. So, we must help them improve their livelihood and social status, encouraging them to take active part in community and national decisions, and to work for equity and equality.

Blessing for leaders who honor and obey God

Because government is instituted by God as His minister for good (Romans 13:4), it functions best when leaders honor and obey Him. Righteous leaders have tremendous potentials to affect their nations for good. The Lord will support those who fear Him and seek His wisdom and direction for their decisions. Central to the purpose of life is true peace and happiness with God. In fact, God has given us the birthright to be happy as his children, and also conferred on us the very duty and responsibility of protecting and safeguarding life with the greatest care; but why has true peace eluded our grasp? I think that we have refused to listen to the voice of conscience, and now our consciences confront us as our accusers. Today our faces too carry stories of anguish and hope, and we’re all crying out desperately for peace, security and justice in the world.

Perhaps, the society is veering away from God. Is God irritated, disappointed and down furious with us because of our atrocities? Is He annoyed with the great war of values in the modern society brought about by globalization, secularization, and the increasing social changes resulting to moral decadence in our society? Why does He not just stop all these inhuman brutalities and catastrophic natural disasters?

Question to God whose sovereignty controls the Universe

These stories of the terrible violence and horrendous disasters around the world broke our hearts and challenge our faith. These horrific tragedies leaves us confused and bewildered, as we’re finding it hard to believe in a God whose Sovereignty controls the Universe, and yet allows these tragedies to happen. Though we believe that all peoples are under his protection, and trust that his mercy is our hope, we’re sometimes even tempted to express doubts and dissents over the efficacy of his power, and raise questions about these unexplainable tragedies. Well, this to me, is a very grave matter, one is apprehensive lest we embark upon continuous faithless questioning without due reflection of its implications and challenges.

Has God forgotten and abandoned His people?

The major Faiths of the world – Jewish, Christian, Islam and all religions preach and teach a God of Peace, and not war and brutality. But, why does God keep silent over the violent realities around us? Why does He not act?  Has He forgotten and abandoned his people? Why can’t He make his power just a little more obvious? “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. All members of my family have perished. I have nothing to live for or look forward to,” said a lucky survivor of a Gas explosion in India. “All I had has been washed away by the waves. I lost all the members of my family – wife, children, and grandmother. Now, I’m the only surviving person in the family. Everything is completely upside down,” cried a Tsunami survivor. Humanly speaking, we cannot digest and make a sense out of all these horrors and tragedies.

Conclusion

Yet in all these, God still remains the sovereign Lord of all. We are all in His hands. He has the ability to protect us in treacherous times. If we trust Him, He will uphold us and enable us to work in His ways, while leading us to safety amidst our doubts, fears and dangers.

Now is the time for action and living faith. We should stop paying lips service, submit to His Will and ask that He directs our family, community and national activities, because He’s got the whole world in His hand.

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director, Media Service Centre, Kaduna Nigeria, 2011

BENEFITS OF POSITIVE HUMAN RELATIONSHIP

Introduction

God is a God of relationship. He constantly invites us into a relationship that is authentic, true and real (ATR). We must make efforts not to leave God out of our relationships by merely looking and seeking for human solutions even in the midst of our painful situations for healing as we walk in the centre of His will.

Benefits of positive human relationship

Human relationships at all levels with the self, others, society and God be it in friendship, dating, courtship or marriage are naturally most essential to life. It accompanying benefits are as follows:

Ø  It supplies love and affection

Ø  Provides emotional support and loyalty

Ø  Guarantees stability and security

Ø  Supplies companionship and friendship

Ø  Satisfies material and psychological needs and fulfilment.

It can be an elevating and enriching experience if pursued positively, but also can be as difficult and most horrifying as we make it if lived negatively, causing discomfort, heartache and frustration. The power lies within us to make our choice and we have to look in the right direction.

The need for human intimacy

Yes, psychologists have established and shown that naturally seeking for physical, intellectual and emotional closeness with others is a fundamental need of most people. The need for intimacy, to love and feel loved, to express comradeship, to care and be cared about are basic feelings that characterizes many human relationships at all levels. Intimacy according to Frank D. Cox in his book, Human Intimacy, Marriage, the family, and its meaning combines six essential processes:

• Communication of personal feelings
• Acceptance of personal limitations
• Respect for personal feelings
• Affirmation of one another
• Sharing hurts and fears of being hurt
• Forgiveness of errors.

Conditions for making right choices

Life is a series of choices and it is really difficult to make the right choices and wise decisions when we are hurting, angry, confused, unforgiving, resentful and bitter. But we can if we choose to believe that God is in control and trust that He will inspire us to look in the right direction and bring something valuable out of our confusion. When two people like each order and make overtures toward establishing a closer relationship, they have made a choice. As the relationship develops and confidence grows, it nurtures acceptance and trust, increases sharing, appreciation and profound delight in each other. Indeed, positively seeking friendship and intimacy with the other can be a highly rewarding experience.

Obstacles and Barriers to human relationship

Intimate and positive human relationship involves active involvement with and interest in progress and growth of the other partner. However, this can be hampered by seemingly possible obstacles and barriers enumerated as follows:

• The risk and fear of rejection
• Anger leading to growing hostility
• Non-acceptance of ourselves for who we are
• The tendency to merely play roles to please others as conditioned by the society which teaches us be spectators and to deny our feelings
• Unexpressed, suppressed, denied and disguised anger tends to destroy healthy relationships. Mutual relationship implies sincere openness between friend, and lack of it implies mutual suspicion and distrust of the other.

Today, we seem to be walking on troubled waters as many pressures, tensions, communication breakdowns and frustrations arise in human and social life which generally affects the quality of our relationships with ourselves, God and the society. It makes me very sad to see human relationships crumble and broken to a deplorable and pitiable level in the society. It seems pathetic that human beings so marvellously created in God’s image should be negligent towards developing and building quality relationships based upon character, true love, honour, dignity, mutual respect and acceptance, understanding, tolerance, loyalty, justice and peace.

So many today reject and behave insensitively to themselves, and as a result become obstinate and dissatisfied with the quality of their life and relationships, leaving them in perpetual guilt, shame and disgrace; Numerous friendship, courtship and marriage relationships have turned sour and bitter and has become strain and suspicious. Relationships which once began with noble ideals of love, joy, peace, acceptance and optimism now degenerate into rejection, anger, distrust, and self-pity in some cases; What a traumatic reality creating deep and lasting wounds not only on the partners and couples, but also on the family and the larger society.

Challenges of focusing on quality relationships

Therefore, making time to focus on positive human relationships is important, and learning how to improve upon it is absolutely vital. It is good for us to respect, cherish and care about the way we relate with ourselves, with our neighbours, with nature, God and the society. In our world of shifting values, young people will definitely have lots of difficult questions which must be welcomed and entertained even when we don’t have all the answers. We should show great respect and sympathy to this vital issues and questions and not to discard them as useless and unattractive. Though we may fail and woefully regret with our miserable human circumstances and with no sign of improvement in our relationships, we must have great faith even in the midst of our disappointment and pain and trust in God who alone can fulfil our heart desires and change them to match His will. Through prayer and the grace of God, we can thrive spiritually and stay close to Jesus in this shifting cultures. Nothing works better than simply falling in love with Jesus and living out our passion for Him.

Conclusion

In conclusion, may I challenge you to remember that God wants us to be young people with positive desires, passions and expectations that are noble, empowering, motivating and enriching. God who is sovereign and good is the source of our relationship. He wants the very best for us and never makes a mistake because His ways are perfect and beyond human comprehension. So, seek God’s ways, follow His paths and let your relationship be anchored on Him.

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director Media Service Centre Kaduna Nigeria 2011

THE DECEPTION AND DANGERS OF PORNOGAPHY

Introduction

Let us make no mistake about it. This is a very serious issue. It is an issue so many deal with but so few want to discuss, and as a result leave many tough questions untouched and unanswered. Sexuality is a creative power that must be rightly channeled or it may turn into a source of enslavement, frustration and destruction. Sexual temptation and sexual lust are having increasing impact in the lives of Christians men, women and youth in modern times. This has unfortunately destroyed families by crushing the self-esteem of wives, enslaving husbands, damaging youth and diminishing the marriage relationship. The Holy Bible commands us to flee youthful lusts (2 Timothy 2:22). We are deeply concerned about so many involved in this destructive industry. The question is how can we find victory over pornography? How can we cultivate the willingness to confront it bravely? How can we challenge it spiritually, and spur people on in their spiritual growth? God’s desire is for all of us to be victorious in times of temptation.

The New World of Pornography

Today, we have numerous sexually orientated businesses around the world. Our people are engaged in sexual immorality by buying pornographic videos, calling phone sex lines, and spending time in pornographic websites on the internet. Today, video stores rent and sell titles that wouldn’t have even been permitted in stores a few years ago; nowadays business men and women are invited to discuss business deals at deceitfully special gentlemen and lady clubs; internet-linked homes provide the most tantalizing pornography with just a few mouse clicks; we see on line pornography, pseudo-cyber world of chat rooms where men and women reveal their sexual fantasies to each other and pornographic magazines and books. This is a new world of porn that our families and peoples are drawn to. It is not a pleasant world.

We must not ignore or neglect it, but confront it courageously. We must admit that while the very thought of porn is repulsive to many, yet it could be attractively so addictive to men. Yes, men are visual beings and God created this sexual desire in us – a desire created by God, but perverted by man. Our sons carry on our addictions into the next generation; and our daughters easily learn that the way to man’s heart is through seduction and sex. We give in to lustful passions and engage in sexual immorality invariably leading to sexual addiction by patronizing sexually oriented businesses, buying pornographic materials and spending time in dangerous pornographic websites on the internet.

The Communication Media and Pornography

The Document of the Pontifical Council for Social Communications merits attention here. Nos. 10 and 18 speaks about Pornography and Violence in the Communications Media: a Pastoral Response. The Communication media (Books, magazines, recordings, cinema, theatre, television, video cassettes, advertising). It states that the media which can be such  effective instrument of information, education and enrichment, can also sometimes be the vehicle of a deformed outlook on life, on the family and on morality. ‘Pornography and sadistic violence debase sexuality, corrode human relationships, exploit individuals especially women and young people, undermine marriage and family life, foster anti-social behavior and weaken the moral fibre of society itself.’ Willing participation in the production or dissemination of these noxious products therefore can only be judged a serious moral evil. Those who use such materials not only do harm to themselves, but also gradually render themselves numb and insensitive to the dignity and rights of others.[1] While no one is immune to the corrupting effects of pornography and violence, the young and immature are especially vulnerable and most likely to be victimized. Pornography in the Media can condition impressionable young  person to regard this as normal and acceptable behavior, suitable for imitation. Therefore, Christian Communicators, Legislators, Churches, Schools, Parents and Teachers of religion and ethical subjects are challenge to increase their efforts to promote the positive and creative use of the media and inculcate the social and ethical values needed for it

Modern Challenges

1.       Rationalization and relativization of  sin: We say it does not concern us. ‘Sure I look at pornography, but there are a whole bunch of folks who are doing things a lot worse. And who among us is really pure anyway?’ That sounds funny anyway. When our children use the ‘everyone is doing it argument’, we usually fuss at them. ‘Sure I look at porn, but it does not involve actual contact with a woman’. Yes, Computer-enhanced women work quite well too. Even if we are not buying pornography, it is polluting the environment where our children are being raised. Pornography is apparently becoming a destructive influence in Nigeria and must be controlled by the law. If we don’t control it, then it will eventually consume us.

2.       Nakedness: Indecent and immodest dressing, fashion and dances which attract attention, arouse sexual passion, and provoke sexual desire. Pornography is intended to affect behavior. Some men will say they enjoy looking at porn, but are not affected by it. This is not true and how can we help them out of this deceptive trap? Remember, lust is sin, and sin grieves the heart of God. God didn’t give us lust. Lust is the perversion of sexual desires. It is no respecter of persons and it never gives up. It never satisfies and always leaves you wanting more. So, beware of lust!

3.       The challenge to avoid vulgar, foul, impure and indecent filthy talks (Ephesians 5:3f)

4.       Beware of Sexual fantasies which include all images, mental pictures, unchaste thoughts, day dreams, imaginations, touches, dressing of an erotic nature; and the deliberate enjoyment of actions in the imagination which are immoral – rape, incest, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality (Exodus 22:9; Leviticus 20:15f); and pedophilia which are all offences against chastity. Research has revealed that to many Christian Men have replaced the desire for their wives with porn and adult entertainment. How do we check and moderate this? Although, many involved in the adult entertainment industry are popularly called dancers, models and  super stars;. They are our sisters and brothers; our aunties and uncles; and God’s children created in his image.

5.       The challenge to Bachelors and Spinsters – St. Paul tell us to flee the youthful lust (2Tim 2:22). Once addicted, it does not end at the altar, it gets worse. The deeper we dig the pit, the harder it is to get out. Today, lives of play boys, senior girls, strippers, prostitutes and impressionable young stars have been devastated by porn. In his book, The Silent War, ministering to those trapped in the deception of Pornography, Henry Rogers rightly pointed out that our generation have learned to play with words. The deception begins by playing with the English Language. We are calling evil ‘good’. Clubs where men go to fulfill their lust by watching women strip are called ‘gentlemen’s Club’. The Clubs are no place for gentlemen at all.[2] No one tells his wife he is going to a strip club. Going to a Gentleman’s Club, however sounds prestigious.

The Great Battle

It is not a new battle. Pornography has been around for centuries. However, it has taken a new dimension and complexity because of modern sophistications and revolution in the world of communications. In our sex-saturated society, we move with pornography, carry it on our mobile sets and lab- tops, and think porn. Today, we are bombarded by sexual messages, images, fantasies, magazines, videos and literatures.

Apparently, this culture has given us a license to lust. Yet within our hearts as Christians, a battle is raging in the war against sexual temptation and lust. Porn has ruin the lives of many people, children molesters and the lives of innocent children. Yes, many have lost the battle, and many more will lose the battle in days to come; but fighting the battle is not beyond our hope.

·         The financial opportunity for pornographers is too great

·         Satan’s determination to destroy the family is unrelenting. In an industry where indiscriminate and reckless sex is the order of the day, disease leaves its mark. The world now encourages the use of condoms because so many performers have tested HIV positive or have contracted AIDS.

·         It is a battle we must fight; it is a battle that we can win; it is a battle we must win

·         We may continue to face temptations and experience defeat, but the fight is not over. It is God’s will that we be victorious (1 Thess. 4:3-5)

·          Don’t keep this destructive industry alive and flourishing. I am sure that if Christian men would not put a cent into porn industry, we could cripple it. But we are pouring money into this destructive industry to keep it blossoming. It is time for us to resolutely stop it

·          Knowing about the problem is not enough, we need a  battle plan for victory

·          God is faithful and this is great news. He will not abandon us in the midst of our temptations. God will provide a way of escape. He is with us every step of the way. He will guarantee victory to every battle weary soldier who call upon His name.

True Confessions and a wake- up call

In her book, An affair of the Mind Laurie Hall wrote, ‘I saw my husband lose his soul to pornography. I have held other women and listened to them weep as they told me how their husbands also lost their souls to pornography. Pornography kills the soul, steals the heart, and destroys the mind. Pornography is not a victimless crime.[3] As our exposure to pornography increases, so is our sexual appetite. To a man struggling with sexual temptation, X-rated films and videos are devastating. It’s obviously painful that Porn has become a passport to end of many marriages. It exposes people to physical abuse, group sex, increases appetite for women – one, two or three may never even be enough, and might cause a great deal of psychic trauma centered around peoples sex and marital life. There is no doubt that pornography play a role in the corruption of our culture and pornographic magazines destroys marriages. Indeed, the battle is becoming more intense and we must stand up to it.

Another pastor confessed his spiritual struggle and experience with video seduction. ‘I rationalized viewing discreet sex and partial nudity. I thought I was mature enough to handle this. There is nothing wrong with merely viewing these things. I am not the one doing them. Yet deep within my heart, I knew I was guilty.’ ‘On a Saturday night, I went to a video shop, intending to get a family movie. But I found myself laying three dollars on the counter for an X-rated movie. It’s just curiosity, not lust, I told myself. Perhaps as a Christian leader I should be aware of what the world is consuming. What I saw was ugly. The film degraded men and women. The beauty of human sexuality as God designed it and as I had experienced it in marriage was absent. I felt empty, cheated and defeated.’[4]

Conclusion

Pornography is not just a problem for those in the secular world. Christian men, women and youth struggle with it too. We must become aware about the deceptions and dangers pornography and fight vehemently against it to avoid further tragic casualty and damages in the war against sexual temptation and lust. The good news is that there is a path to victory. Though we might be trapped and the temptation overpowering, if we draw nearer to God and live by gospel values, He will protect and deliver us (James 4:8); and we would overcome the incredible shame, disgrace and guilt that sexual lust brings to us. God will be with us in the midst of the fight.

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director, Media Service Centre Kaduna Nigeria, 2011

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[1] Pontifical Council for Social Communication, Pornography and Violence in the Communication Media: a Pastoral Response, May 7, 1989 (Vatican Polyglot Press, 1989), nos. 10 & 18

[2] Henry J. Rogers, The Silent War, Ministering to those Trapped in the Deception of Pornography, New Leaf Press, Inc USA, 2000.

[3] Laurie Hall, An Affair of the Mind (Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the family Publishing, 1996), p.68

[4] ‘Video Seduction’ Moody Magazine, March 1995

CO - PARENTING WITH GOD

‘If the Lord does not build the house, the work of the builders is useless…Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing’ Psalm 127:1;3

Introduction

Parenting is not an easy business. The Lord has given parents a very special vocation. They are the bearers of life, and during our formative years, they shape every aspect of who we will become. That is why the fifth commandment of God instructs us to honor our fathers and mothers, with a promise of blessing to those who do so (Exodus 20:12). We are certainly blessed when we honor our parents. Our parents lives too will be enhanced and blessed when they receive the assurance that they are loved and appreciated by their children. Parents, when it comes to raising of kids and forming and shaping the minds of children, do not try to go it alone. With the help of God and obedience to His values, you can create an environment where your children can flourish and grow into everything God intends for each one of them to be. The almighty Creator who knit your children in the womb (Psalm 139:13) and has numbered the hairs on their heads (Matthew 10:30)’ holds the blueprint for their lives. So no matter what our struggle may be, parents can hold on to the promises of God that, ‘they can do all things through Him who strengthens them’ (Phil.4:13).

The fundamental Questions:

Here are some specific vital questions we can use to evaluate our own spiritual health and vitality:

v  Do we trust God totally with our lives?

v  Do we trust God totally with our homes and families?

v  Do we trust God totally with our marriage?

v  Do we trust God totally with our children?

v  Do we trust God totally with our work?

v  Do we trust God totally with our finances and future?

v  Do we trust God to equip us for this great parental responsibility?

v  Do our children learn what it means to love God with all their hearts, soul, mind and strength when they look at us?

v  Do they see us turning to God when anxious, troubled or ill?

v  Do they see us trusting God for guidance and wisdom as we plan the future, run our business and manage our homes?

v  Do they know that prayer is an important part of our life?

v  Do they see us leaving out our commitment to Christ by spending time reading and studying the Bible?

v  Do we trust God to help us discipline our children? While discipline without love usually leads to rebellion, discipline with love is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to our children. Parents must take a stand, and set some boundaries. Tell their children what behavior are and are not acceptable; why you would not allow them to drink, smoke, or use drugs; Establish standards and spell out the punishment for breaking the rules.

Power to build and tear down

Parenthood is a great honor and privilege. In giving us children, God places us in position of both leadership and service. We have the power to build up our children and our spouses – or to tear them down. Through our words of affirmation, prayers, and parental hugs, kisses, we show how much we value them. Demonstrating godly love strengthens the people who are most precious to us. We really need to help our children to grow into people of honor and character (Proverb 3:12). No matter what we are facing at the moment, God can transform our family pessimistic attitudes and change our negative dispositions. For if our eyes are on the Lord, we will never lack reasons to rejoice and be thankful for our lives, wives, husbands, children and relatives. You must have experienced times of abandonment just when you needed that person the most; it could have been a spouse withdrawing emotionally, a close brother who ignored us, or a close husband or wife who seemed too busy to help. Do not be discouraged even in these situations. Remember that the Lord is always with you. He is the supreme example of grace, generosity and love for parents to emulate. Seeking His guidance and direction is absolutely important for us parents. Running ahead and manipulating circumstances can be a costly mistake.

Building a legacy of Faith that will endure

In his article ‘Will Your Children Inherit Your Faith?, Dr. Charles Stanley notes that the most valuable assets we have as believers and Christian parent is our faith. Children observe our faith by the lifestyle we live. However, observation has shown that family anxiety is reaching epidemic proportions in our culture. Yet as Christians, we are commanded not to worry (Luke 12:22). We can pass on doubt, frustration, fear and unbelief – or we can give them steadfast faith.

A parent who preaches the Bible but does not live by it teaches her children they cannot trust God. Our children need to see us trusting God day after day; family prayer is essential to building solid faith into our children’s lives. If you don’t pray as a family please start today. Parents need to participate in their children’s life by taking part in their hurts and failures, and tell them our own stories of pain and disappointment.

A recent survey of college students revealed that the thing they dislike most about their parents is their inability to admit when they are wrong. If we want our children to say ‘sorry’ and ask for forgiveness, we must be willing to do the same. Our children deserve a faith legacy that will endure. We must start building it today! Remember that each step of faith, each acts of hope, each word of prayer we say as parents bring our children closer to God. So we have to learn to live each day with an expectation of God’s plan unfolding before our eyes in this pilgrimage through life.

Advice to Christian Parents

ü  Christian parents must understand that they are not immune to facing family difficulties and problems.

ü  So they have to realize the need to make the Lord Jesus Christ to be at the centre of every husband and wife relationship.

ü  They must stress the importance of knowing Jesus Christ personally

ü  Love your children and create time for them. Ignorance can be parent’s worst enemy. Certain signs warrant your immediate attention to talk to your children and to take action before addiction begins. Some of these signs are: Truancy, vandalism, promiscuous sexual behavior, hostility and rebellion toward those in authority (parents, teachers, Church, etc.), staying out all night, increase in mysterious phone calls at odd times, verbal abusiveness, stealing and shoplifting, involvement in fights at school, lack of communication with family, unexplained increase in spending and a host of others

ü   pray for their children and ask God for wisdom to guide them to handle each of their problems

ü  Though your children may disappoint you by not living up to your standards of conduct, love them unconditionally and be there for them any way

ü  Admit your mistakes to them and learn from them. Model godly values and behavior.

ü  Children need home to be a refuge from the pressures they face in school and society, so provide a solid foundation with Christ in your home, and the Lord will supply the answers and strength you need to get through the difficulties and problems you are facing in your family.

Conclusion

The family, though small is the first and most important social unit in every society. It is the basic unit within which human life is brought forth and nurtured. It is indeed very significant to the development, progress and stability of the society. The Code of Canon law succinctly states that: “Parents have the most grave obligation and primary right to do all in their power to ensure their children’s physical, social, cultural, moral and religious upbringing.”[1] Finally, since our children are God’s masterpiece created in Christ for the great work He has planned for them, parent should actively help them build a God-centered self-image. From the moment of birth, parents need to teach them that their personal value and worth is rooted in who they are in God’s eyes, and not in what they do or  what they wear. Our parental goal should be to teach our children the way God want them to live, and model godliness in our own lives. Whatever you do, do not let this day end without communicating how much you cherish your wife, husband, children, brothers and sisters. Tell everyone you are very grateful for all they have done to make you a child of God. Our children deserve a faith legacy that will endure. We must start building it today!

Rev. Fr. Michael Adefemi Adegbola, Director Media Service Centre writes from Kaduna, Nigeria 2011

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[1] Code of Canon Law No. 1136